eh

I'm Marina. I just like language and drink a lot of coffee. I'm also an idiot and I have no idea what I'm doing.

i have no idea how to handle myself right now or what i’m even expecting to happen & i’d really appreciate it if someone just pushed me into some huge abyss

Almost every time I go to this cafe in the late afternoon, I see the couple sitting at the same window table. They are both attractive, middle aged, and well dressed. The one really noticeable thing about them is the woman’s auburn red hair. I’m always pleased to see them because they appear to be genuinely content with each other’s company. They are almost always reading magazines or newspapers and drinking something. They rarely speak to each other but there is a peace around them, a balance you can almost physically see in certain couples. When one has finished with their reading material they automatically hand it to their partner. The other takes it without a word and lays it down on the seat between them. The person without the magazine drinks their coffee or looks out the window until the other is finished reading. Then they talk for a brief time, sometimes laughing quietly, always paying full attention to what is being said. They are like an island of tranquility in the middle of all the human rush. Seeing them, watching them, invariably makes me feel a little better.

tupacabra:

*has feelings for someone*

image

I just had a really fun sleep paralysis experience and now I’m too scared to go back to sleep but I’m so tired??

dennys:

diner poetry with michael

You unzip my dress, a curve from the side of my left breast to the top of my hip. My body is a column of butterflies. One by one, roused by the light and cool air, they wake from sleep. One by one they open their wings, responding to some deep internal pressure, the instinct to be free. They scatter in all directions; I learn what it means to be in many places at once.

━ Shivani Mehta, The Butterflies

I’m sort of feeling a really weird mix of emotions right now. Something like impatience, inspiration, anxiety, regret, anger, overwhelm(-edness? -th? eh). Mostly just everything I’ve ever wanted to do and accomplish is floating around in my head and I can’t help but feel a little angry at everything that’s kept me from doing them (or kinda but not quite all the way doing them), mixed with some kind of hope that maybe I can start. 

When I’m being rational, I can remember that I’m only 20 and that there’s plenty of time. I *haven’t* ruined everything or missed some key, once in a lifetime opportunity. There’s really so many ways. It’s just going to take a lot of conscious effort to get out of this weird coping thing where I just dissociate from everything and divide myself into so many different pieces.

Maaan. There was a point in my life where I was the most passionate and hardworking (if scattered and clueless) kid that I knew. I taught myself German. I convinced two governments to practically pay me to travel. I was so recklessly passionate and I just did stuff.

I’m still just as passionate, it’s just that everything has gotten so foggy. I’m always drawn to people who find creative and artistic and new and exciting ways to make sense of the world and shape their own lives, and I’m just so afraid of somehow losing that in myself. 

tl;dr: fuck ptsd, i want to do stuff. 

kodmaeda:

rainy weather and thunder doesn’t make me gloomy at all it’s more like, fuck yeah this is my kingdom of darkness and i’m the queen

k009:

gosh diddly darn

reallyreallyreallytrying:

well well well. if it isn’t my old friend, the dawning realization that i fucked up real bad

danaids:

tavi gevinson by petra collins for the ardorous 

I was a ridiculous child