i have no idea how to handle myself right now or what i’m even expecting to happen & i’d really appreciate it if someone just pushed me into some huge abyss
*has feelings for someone*
I just had a really fun sleep paralysis experience and now I’m too scared to go back to sleep but I’m so tired??
diner poetry with michael
I’m sort of feeling a really weird mix of emotions right now. Something like impatience, inspiration, anxiety, regret, anger, overwhelm(-edness? -th? eh). Mostly just everything I’ve ever wanted to do and accomplish is floating around in my head and I can’t help but feel a little angry at everything that’s kept me from doing them (or kinda but not quite all the way doing them), mixed with some kind of hope that maybe I can start.
When I’m being rational, I can remember that I’m only 20 and that there’s plenty of time. I *haven’t* ruined everything or missed some key, once in a lifetime opportunity. There’s really so many ways. It’s just going to take a lot of conscious effort to get out of this weird coping thing where I just dissociate from everything and divide myself into so many different pieces.
Maaan. There was a point in my life where I was the most passionate and hardworking (if scattered and clueless) kid that I knew. I taught myself German. I convinced two governments to practically pay me to travel. I was so recklessly passionate and I just did stuff.
I’m still just as passionate, it’s just that everything has gotten so foggy. I’m always drawn to people who find creative and artistic and new and exciting ways to make sense of the world and shape their own lives, and I’m just so afraid of somehow losing that in myself.
tl;dr: fuck ptsd, i want to do stuff.
rainy weather and thunder doesn’t make me gloomy at all it’s more like, fuck yeah this is my kingdom of darkness and i’m the queen
gosh diddly darn
well well well. if it isn’t my old friend, the dawning realization that i fucked up real bad
tavi gevinson by petra collins for the ardorous